Watching: How I Met Your Mother
Drinking: ice water
Oooohhhh dear lord. Last week was long and grueling but you know what? I got through it and I am now blissfully enjoying a rather lovely spring break. A spring break that has actually made me realize something: life without school is serious bliss. No, but seriously, even though it's only been about four days, I've discovered that life without school just relaxing, taking things easy, and pursuing your own hobbies and stuff is fucking fantastic. It makes me even more eager for graduation to be done and over with so I can take an official break from it all.
Throughout the past week or so, I've been working to convince my parents to let me take a gap year after I graduate because to be honest, I seriously need a break and I don't see the point in burning myself out by going straight back to school after a simple summer. Personally, I don't see the point in jumping right into the fast-paced chaos of adulthood at all-- getting a job, going back to college, eventually moving out. After having worked my ass off this year, I feel quite worthy of a nice gap year. My mom was all for it when I presented the idea to her but my dad, not surprisingly, needed a bit of convincing. I forget which night it was when I suddenly thrusted all this information onto them-- last week is honestly a blur and a half-- but I remember he had a headache that night. A really bad one. I felt kind of bad for drilling him with all my points on why the gap year was a good idea but then again, getting him when he didn't feel good was like a guaranteed yes. He'd get aggravated of hearing me talk, interrupt with a groggy "Yeah, yeah, sounds great" and wave me away. It was foolproof, right? Actually, sort of. Yeah. He seemed to go for it, or at least he said he did in an attempt to shut me up and get some sleep. He had some concerns, like whether I'd be getting a job during this time or if I'd really be taking a year off as opposed to his suggestion of just a semester but I reassured him that I wouldn't be getting a job, I'd be spending the entire year off, and that I'd be using the time to pursue some important things I thought were worthwhile that I didn't have time to do during my high school years. Things like actually learning to drive and learning to cook and clean so I'm a more productive citizen. Real life things that will last me my entire life rather than just facts and figures I'll only need until some test. So in it's current standing right now, gap year is a go.
In other news, last week sort of slayed me. My anxiety stayed pretty high, mainly throughout Monday and Tuesday, and my debilitating allergies didn't help. By Tuesday, I felt so shitty that I actually had to leave class early that night because I felt so sick. My teacher misinterpreted it as stomach sick but either way, she eagerly dismissed me from class when I told her I felt really sick and wasn't sure if I was going to make it through the rest of class. The pollen count had just been so high that day that I was sneezing constantly, I didn't have any tissues so I was sniffling back snot which then, in turn, caused a lot of congestion and postnasal drip (which honestly did contribute to some nausea). My head was just so stuffed up, though, that I couldn't concentrate at all and I desperately needed to go home and take a break. So my dad came and picked me up early, I curled up in bed as soon as I got home, and I comforted myself with leftovers from Sunday night-- corned beef and potatoes with a slice of Irish soda bread <3 It was a perfect meal for St. Patrick's Day, for sure.
After Tuesday, I think my main focus shifted to just making it to spring break. I skimped on my classes a bit more than I should've/usually do (which I never really truly "skimp", per say) and I tried to remain relaxed throughout the last couple days before freedom. Thursday was fairly nerve-wracking, though, since I had an exam in my visual design class and a very important phone-based appointment with my online teacher. In my first period, I had to retake the ACA exam for Adobe InDesign because I may or may not have failed it the first time around *cough cough I did cough cough*. I was absolutely terrified because I knew this was my last chance-- if I didn't pass it this time, I was pretty much doomed. We had spent the entire two weeks beforehand studying our asses off to make sure we'd do well and while I pretty much had the information for the multiple choice questions ingrained into my brain, the simulator questions terrified me and there were some I was unsure I'd even be able to answer. The test took me about a half an hour out of the forty five allotted minutes to complete but you know what? I passed! I fucking passed! And it was abso-fucking-lutely wonderful. A lot of the stress that had been burdening me the two weeks beforehand just disappeared in that moment and I was set for the rest of the day. Or, you know, at least until that afternoon. Then came the phone call. There are these things called DBAs (Discussion Based Assessments) that we have to do at the end of every other chapter, basically, where we have to call our teacher up on the phone and they drill us with questions. I had scheduled my very last one for Thursday afternoon and beforehand, I was a nervous wreck. I hadn't taken any notes on the last chapter and I hadn't touched the chapter before it in months so I was rusty on those answers. The call was as terrifying, if not moreso, than I feared it would've been. It dragged on an extra five or ten minutes, I was floundering for answers to questions I didn't know, and overall I pretty much made myself sound like a total idiot. The worst part of it all, though, was that she told me that if the DBA and the final exam didn't bump my grade up to an A, she'd make me redo some of the assignments. I knew I had pretty much already bombed the DBA so I had to put all my faith in the exam. Let's just say what my teacher doesn't know won't kill her and that the loopholes in online classes are stupendous. Either way, after the test, I miraculously bumped my grade up to an A and without any warning, my teacher released me from her class. I was finally finished. After seven months of agonizing torture and withdrawal threats from procrastinating, I was finally finished. It felt really fucking great, let me tell you. I printed out my grade reports and come Friday morning, I turned them in to earn my online credit hours. There was seriously something just so liberating about the entire situation in that moment. I was finally free. Or at least from that class.
Friday was pretty much the best day at school I had experienced in a long while. Since I had passed my ACA the day before, I was free to return to my individual pursuits of digital painting, even though I didn't really get much done. I didn't want to start on anything new anyways since I would just feel lost and eventually scrap it once I got back from spring break, so I fumbled around with some sketches. Not that I got much done anyways. My attention was compromised by something much more intriguing. Because it was the last day before spring break, my teacher decided to play a movie while we worked. At first I was a little upset because this particular movie I had been waiting patiently to see and watching it in class when I should've been working was not the most ideal setting for my first viewing of it but after it started, I honestly didn't even care. What movie was it? BIG. HERO. 6. And let me tell you, ever since my teacher started playing it that morning, a new obsession has been cultivating and it's not even funny. Like, remember back two years ago when I snapped into my Rise of the Guardians obsession? Yeah, it's like all that over again (except Rise of the Guardians is still my baby and Jack Frost is still my love <3). The only thing that upsets me is the fact that we never got around to finishing it. The bell rang right at the part where Hiro was telling the rest of the gang that they can be so much more and giving them their superhero "upgrades." I still have yet to see the rest of it, which kills me because I want so desperately to have more, but since I already knew I'd love the movie before I even saw it and now know I love it even before having seen the full thing, I've refused to watch the rest of it until my mom just buys me the DVD already. She's rented it at Redbox twice so far but I've had her take it back when it was due without having watched it because I just want so desperately for her to just buy me the movie instead. Regardless, I couldn't stop thinking about the movie for the rest of the day. In second period, we also watched a movie-- The Count of Monte Cristo-- which we had started watching earlier in the week and finished that day before break. It wasn't half bad-- it was one of those movies that grow on you over time as you watch it. The swordfight scenes were pretty badass, too. In math class, my teacher was kind enoug to give us a nice break and reward the people who showed up at school that day by letting us chill and watch Space Jam (she said she had brought it in honor of March Madness-- it was kind of pointless but enjoyable nonetheless, but then again anything with Looney Tunes with enjoyable, I think). Marine science was really the only class that pissed me off in the realm of doing things the day before spring break. I forget what it was we did that day but I do know it was work. Nonetheless, once I got out of there, I was not looking back. Spring break, here I come! I spent the rest of my afternoon honestly doing whatever the hell I wanted, though I'm pretty sure "whatever the hell I wanted" was sitting around doing nothing on the computer for hours on end. I do know I passed out early that night, I think, though, but whatever happened while I was asleep remains a mystery.
If there's one thing you should know about me and my relationship with beds is that I am somehow an incredibly restless sleeper. When I wake up every morning, my room is completely disheveled like a tornado ripped through the place because I am that restless. Saturday morning was no exception. It was an exemplification, even. Not only was my bed and room a mess when I woke up, but I was a mess, too. My vision was blurry as fuck because I didn't have my contacts in but I didn't know where my glasses were, my bra was slung sexually over a chair, and I couldn't find my pants. It was no doubt an...interesting...morning. Because I had fallen asleep so early the night before, though, I woke up earlier than anyone else. I took advantage of the wide day left open to me, though, with an incredibly successful shopping trip. Big Hero 6 was still fresh in my mind so when I hit up the thrift store down the street, I had some very specific garments in mind to look for for a possible Honey Lemon cosplay. Her adorkable nature and positivity was honestly what really won me over about her, though I loved Gogo, too. It's kind of ridiculous the fact that I decided to start putting together cosplays of characters from a movie I had only seen half of but you know what? I put together a closet cospaly of Gogo before I saw the movie, too, so there's that. Plus, I figured I'd have quite some luck at the thrift store finding some vintage garb for Honey. And luck I had. I was fortunate enough to find the perfect yellow sweater hidden on one of the racks, as well as an oversized tank top I figured could suffice for her dress. Besides the cosplay things, though, I also snagged some badass pieces for myself for my own closet, as well. Afterwards, we went back home to grab some lunch and then rushed out to the mall for a quick shopping trip to take advantage of some sales and buy some other things I had on my mental checklist. Let's just say Saturday was a very cosplay driven day. I was able to hit up Claire's and find three absolutely perfect accessories that I had no choice but to buy: a cloth headband for Honey's costume, black fingerless gloves for Gogo (and myself because they're hella rad), and this fabulous, gigantic red velvet bow headband I needed to snag for Snow White. After our quick pit-stops, I made my parents rush me back home just in time to catch the oh-so-beautiful ABC Family Funday-- they were showing all Disney princess movies, so it was necessary I sat in front of the TV for hours on end watching all of them. I was exhausted by the time The Little Mermaid was over, though, so off to my room I went. Sunday was fairly dull-- my parents went shopping while I stayed home, watched eight hours worth of Disney princess movies on ABC family again, and painted the glasses for my Honey Lemon cosplay. Basically, the entire past couple days have been devoted to cosplay progression and Disney things. And relaxing. Lots of relaxing. Today was probably one of the most cosplay progressive days, though.
My grandmother has recently been bitten by the sewing bug once again, this time in the form of insane enthusiasm towards making seat cushions for our kitchen. She knew our kitchen chairs were hard and uncomfortable and that I feel like a senile seventeen year old every time I have to sit down in them, only to get up with a waffle imprint on my ass, so she's been incredibly eager to sew up some seat cushions. My dad and I went over there today to help out, although my grandmom was tuckered out from working on her little project all that morning, but since she had caught the sewing bug, I decided to take advantage of her enthusiasm and bring over a couple things I had wanted to be altered for cosplay purposes to see if she would be willing to help. Fortunately, she was...to a degree. I had a pink blouse I had stolen from my mother I wanted taken in and an old dress I got from the thrift store I needed shortened. The blouse, unfortunately, my grandmom claimed she couldn't do anything for, which was a bit discerning since I was planning on using it for a cosplay of Violet's pink outfit from the end of The Incredibles, but my grandmom said that perhaps she could take me to the store to find something else instead. Quite frankly, I can't complain there since she'd be paying. The other garment, though, I had more luck with. The dress was patchwork style thing I had found at the thrift store that probably belonged to some middle-aged Asian woman in the late 90s/early 2000s, probably an elementary school teacher or something. I don't know, it just had that look about it. I thought it looked perfect for my own spin on Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas, though, so I snagged it with the intent of taking it in and shortening it from ankle length to knee length. I figured out an alternate plan for taking the dress in but as for the length, there was only one possible option for fixing it: going to my fairy godmother and asking her to hem it or something. The particular fabric the dress was made of made her somewhat unsettled at the idea of hemming it but after hearing her worry about ruining it, I made sure to let her know that there was absolutely no way she could mess it. Sally's dress is already raggedy and jagged at the hem so whatever mistakes the woman made would be perfectly a-okay. The dress was shortened, we didn't bother hemming it, and the Sally dress is now good to go. Unfortunately, my day began pitfalling from there.
To the dismay of her doctor, my grandmother has had a lot of sugary snacks in her household these days, one of which being bags of M+Ms leftover from Christmas. She had broken out a half-eaten bag today while I was at her house, after we had finished our work, which was where my mistakes began in that I took some. And then some more. And then some more. I should've known eating them was a bad idea considering how sensitive my stomach generally is these days but they were so inviting, I couldn't help myself. Within fifteen minutes, though, I was feeling the stomach cramps set in. By the time I forced my dad to take me home, they were so strong I couldn't even stand up straight and I instantly rushed to the bathroom only to be disappointed and end up curled up on the couch. Me and stomach cramps are really nothing new-- I've actually been battling a sensitive stomach for about a little over a year now, I think it's been, but they're not always as strong as they were today. Quite honestly, at this point I've just self diagnosed myself IBS since I seem to have all the symptoms from the extensive research I've done on the topic. That knowledge/self diagnosis didn't help quench the pain, though. When I get stomach cramps such as the ones I had today, they're pretty strong and ruthless to the point where I can't even stand, but they're not constant. Their intensity comes in waves in a way I can only think synonymous to what labor pains probably feel like (even though I've never given birth before so I can't vouch for accuracy there). Being a bit of a pregnancy junkie, at least I've equipped myself with the knowledge of ways to handle pain like that from things I've read and such but still, any time I have to deal with IBS cramps like that, there's no way around the unpleasant nature of it. Today, though, was especially horrible. Last week in my college English class, we had signed up for ten minute blocks designated for individual student/teacher conferences. In my dazed, congested state last week, I had swore that my teacher said tonight was the night we had to meet up with her for the conferences, which I thought was ludacris because it's fucking spring break but I figured, she can do whatever the hell she wants so there's really nothing I can do. Knowing I had to be there for my conference today, though, added even more pressure to rid myself of those horrendous stomach cramps which, of course, only made them worse. I was so terrified I wasn't going to be able to make it that night and end up getting a bad grade, or on my teacher's bad side, because I had missed our meeting due to petty stomach pains (which is ridiculous, I know, but I'm ridiculous so fuck up). So basically what happened was I "stopped whining" and "woman-ed up", as Gogo would say, and went to go face my teacher for this conference that, quite frankly, I wasn't even sure I knew what it was for in the first place.
When my dad and I got to the school, my nerves were honestly shot. The entire place was pretty much abandoned because, you know, spring break, so I began getting this knot in my stomach about whether my teacher was even really here or not. My dad and I meandered all throughout campus trying to open up any door we could find into my class's building but no dice. They were all locked, and all the classrooms' lights were out. I was panic-stricken. What if she was really in there but I was running late for my meeting and ended up actually missing it? And then what would happen? What kind of trouble would I be in? Pretty much. Absolute. Panic. My dad kept pressuring me to just call my teacher but quite frankly, she sort of terrifies me and calling people on the phone terrifies me so that was a big no-no. We ended up just heading home defeated but the entire car ride home, the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize that perhaps I had gotten the date wrong. While I am still at this very moment actually quite confused about the date, I have come to the conclusion that yes, I'm pretty sure I probably got the date wrong. So I went all the way to school with stomach cramps for a conference I didn't even have. Epitome of daily stupidity. My biggest regret right now is obsessin over that conference the past four days like it was the end-all, be-all of my academic career, obsessively checing Canvas for fear that my teacher had changed something on us, only to fnd that it's not even this week. I wasted so much time worrying about something that's not even until next week. Pity.
So, apparently the moral of the last couple days is simply keep better track of your days or else you'll end up looking like an idiot like me. And thrifting for cosplay is always fantastic. I couldn't be happier with the yellow sweater I found at the thrift store for my Honey cosplay, though, because even though I actually really hate yellow, the sweater is super duper comfortable and soft.
Speaking of Big Hero 6, though, I've gotta talk about this for a moment and how much I really love this movie so far. I could really connect with Hiro and the way he was so determined but also because of his depression and outlook on college. I saw a lot myself reflected in him and could really relate to the pain he was feeling. The way he was so withdrawn and depressed reminded me of the way I felt after my grandpop died as well as the way I felt after all this Le Crushboy shit started going under. As much as I hate to say it, though, I think the movie so far really just epitomizes the entire synopsis of me and Le Crushboy, or at least in the case of Hiro's emotions. He was so adamant about not going to college but it took Tadashi to get him to see college "from a different angle" and change his mind, like how I was so adamant about not going to college until my fear of losing Le Crushboy took over and I had a change of heart greatly in part of not wanting to lose him at a different school. When everything started going downhill with him, though, I started feeling pretty withdrawn and depressed, on top of school stress and still feeling the burn from my grandpop's death. I can't compare Le Crushboy to Tadashi, though. They're not on the same level. I do think Tadashi might be my favorite character so far, though, probably for the same reasons Jack is my favorite RotG character-- they've both got that protective older brother vibe about them, that caring "I'll do anything for you" paternal quality that just makes my loins light up in flames (yep, I just said that and no, I don't regret it). Jackson Overland Frost will always be my number one babe but I think Tadashi is taking up spot number two right behind him because oh wow. Personally, I wouldn't mind both of them and I may be having inappropriate threesome thoughts about this right now but you know what? We don't talk about that. Still, though, I wish we could've seen more of Tadashi but maybe there's more flashback footage of him I'm missing from having only seen half of the movie or something. There's something about him that's so intriguing, though, not just as a crush character but as a solid character himself. And that curiosity may have been so strong that I accidentally started writing a fanfic about him but I mean... because see, like pretty much the rest of the Big Hero 6 fandom, I'm pretty much in denial that he's dead, too (seriously, though, what the fuck is up with me and dead guys?! Jack Frost, Kurt Cobain, now Tadashi. What the everliving fuck. [And yes, because I think Kurt Cobain was sexy and my favorite Nirvana song is Rape Me partially because of his raspy screaming at the end begging "RAAAAPE ME! RAAAAAPE ME! RAAAAPE ME!" -_-]). I had a thought, though, that was what fueled the random-ass, unplanned fanfic. And yes, before anyone even asks, it is totally a crossover with The Incredibles because why the fuck not. My thought, though, was that what if Tadashi isn't really dead? What if Callaghan wasn't the only person in the exposition hall when it burned down? What if Violet was there somehow and actually ended up saving Tadashi by trapping him in a forcefield right before the explosion could kill him? I know what you're thinking: if the Incredibles crossover storyline was even a thing, then why would Tadashi still be practically "dead" if Violet had saved him? Well, because Violet in my headcanon, Violet was not prepared for having to do hero work that night at the showcase and in the moment, she didn't have time to at least put her mask on, therefore exploiting her identity and the fact that she has supernatural hero powers to an unsuspecting human. So in a nutshell, she basically sacrifices her identity for Tadashi's life. Because of that, though, she can't physically let him go off into the world again with the knowledge that Violet is the Incredibles girl and vice versa, so she's gotta hold him hostage. Get rid of him. Stuff like that. And that is where the fanfic's storyline comes into play. A fanfic I never planned to write but ended up accidentally writing 13 pages of text for in two hours. But what can I say? When you've got a really great idea, you have to run with it while it's hot, you know what I mean? I can't say if I'll ever actually finish the fanfic and if I do, I can't say whether I'll post it or not (but if I do finish it, I probably will post it because what I've got so far, I'm pretty proud of) but while there are some hints of VioletxTadashi in there, I don't plan on having it actually be a ship fanfic. Just a friend thing, you know? Of course, I do think Violet and Tadashi might be cute together, I don't know. They might have some potential? I'll have to finish the movie and decide but if so, I know I'll probably have a new threesome ship: Jack and Violet and Tadashi. I already like the idea of TadashixJack-- both really caring older brothers who died in front of their younger sibling and have the destiny to help/save a lot of people. Pretty much the three of them (Violet, Jack, Tadashi) are techinically the eldest sibling protective of their younger siblings with destinies/purposes to help/protect other people and such. Eh, who knows. It's almost 4am and I'm probably half asleep without even knowing it right now, so I'm probably just spewing nonsense but eh. Jadashilet. Holy fuck I need sleep what the fuck am I even talking about I kind of really wanna spoon someone and eat doritos but now I just sound like I'm tumblr rambling oh dear god what is life.