So, I had to stay home from school today. My mom had a sore throat and stayed home from work, she didn't want to pick me up after class per usual, and I didn't feel up to going to school, either, so we stayed home and snuggled up on the couch watching Father of the Bride Part 1 and 2 all afternoon. When my dad came home and asked me why I was home sick all day, I told him I woke up with a major migraine. But I lied. I didn't have a migraine. I stayed home because I didn't get enough sleep the night before to function properly at school. And you know why I didn't get enough sleep? Because last night was blissful. That's why. Extremely confusingly blissful.
Yesterday after school, I pretty much got no homework done and instead passed out on the couch during an episode of The Middle until my mom came home from work. I slept so long, I had to scarf down leftovers before rushing off to class but while I was in the car, I noticed I had facebook notifications. And one of them was from Le Crushboy. Both he and my grandmom had commented on a drawing I had drew of a cute little character I came up with the night before. My grandmom was telling me she loved the drawing while Le Crushboy, randomly, said, "Amanda do you have Skype". Like, to me it felt like he commented in that in the same tone of voice one would use when they sit you down, place their hands on your shoulders, and ask you something incredibly serious like "Did you eat the last cookie?" or "Where were you the night your father was murdered?". While I saw and acknowledged the existence of their comments, I didn't say anything back. Or at least I didn't plan to until I got home from class. See, I have this thing where if two people comment something on a post or picture of mine, I usually always comment back to both of them in the same comment and just tag them in it. Well, since I can't tag people in comments from my phone, it would have to wait until I got home. Or at least that's what I planned but you know what happens when I plan things.
All during class last night, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Why did he want my Skype, anyways? What significance could my Skype possibly even have? Did I even still have Skype on my computer? It was just pretty much legitimate confusion all over the board. By the time the class break had come around, I was busting. I was about to text my Elsa about it when I noticed I had already gotten a text, though. Sure enough, it was motherfucking Le Crushboy. He was bringing to my attention the fact that I had not answered his comment. I got back to him but from there he never texted me back. So then came the increase in utter confusion during the second half of class. Why did he seem so desperate for my motherfucking Skype? What even was going on here? I had one foot in Confusionland and the other in Anxietyland as I tried to sort out my thoughts, all while in the middle of the general peer editing shenanigans we do with our research papers in class. Fortunately I graded rather quickly and she gave us quite a bit of time, so that gave me extra time to ponder. Le Crushboy aside for a moment, at least I was proud enough to say I had scored a 20/20 in every category on my research paper and my childhood crush (who just so happens to be in my college English 101 class and I knew was going to have to be one of the people grading my paper) even included a little smiley face on my paper with my 20/20 grade in whatever category he was responsible for. Cue another brick added to the Leaning Tower of Holy Fuck. But anyways, after class was done, my dad came and picked me up and I headed home to endure the next level of Holy Fuckness.
As soon as I got home (and my mom was off the phone), I dragged her into my room and explained everything that had happened. Le Crushboy still had not answered me back in response to my text, but at the time I honestly did not expect him to because I knew his Tuesday night class ran much later than mine did. So after I got my shower, I hopped onto facebook and was chatting with my Elsa for a bit before apparently he had messaged me while I left the room to go get a snack? He said he just wanted to know my Skype so we could "bullshit about art" and chill and stuff while he played video games. So after about an hour of trying to fuck around with getting my Skype to work, I found him on there and added him as a contact and then he called me. And everything was beautiful from there. It wasn't a video call so I didn't have to worry about the fact I had zero makeup on and was sitting in my bed in my tiny, ripped pajama shorts and skimpy tank top with my hair up or anything but he had the shared screen option up so I could see his computer screen and just...yeah. It was honestly one of the most beautiful nights, though.
When we finally called each other, we talked for a bit and I watched him play through a couple League of Legends battles and he was teaching me about the game and the characters and was making adorable commentary about how his teammates were assholes because they never helped him and a couple times, he made some really cute aggravated groans that were just asdfghjkl;. And we joked around, too, and I think we now have a League-based inside joke even though I don't even play League (#doesn
'tplaywellwithothers). He was very eager to fix his screen settings on his computer to let me watch his battle, too, since the first one I couldn't see what was going on so all I saw was a black screen, a badass mouse, and some rapid clicky noises which finally made sense when I could watch. After a few games, though, he got tired of playing League but that didn't mean the conversation was necessarily over...
By that point, we had already been talking for two hours and near the end of his second League battle, I knew it was getting late and that I should probably go to bed, and I did mention that, but did we hang up right then at 2:30 in the morning? No. No we did not. We kept on talking and that's when things got really interesting. Without his League battle going on, that left a huge window of other things he could've been doing on his computer. So you know what he did? He checked his facebook (with the shared screen still up so I could see his profile from the perspective of being logged in as him) and we ended up looking through all of his facebook pictures together. Pretty much every single one. He made comments on how shitty his old artwork was and things he thought was funny. We even got to the slew of his pictures he still has dwelling in his account of him and his ex-girlfriend. But did he say anything about her in front of me? No he did not. The only things he really said were some stuff about this kindergarten drawing of hers he thought was funny that he explained to me, some stuff about this cake they made together that he said was like walking diabetes or something (apparently it was some chocolate stuff with cream cheese icing and this orange chocolate icing with powdered sugar and shit and just ooooohmygosh-- he also complained that he left his powdered donuts in the car but was too lazy to get them so we started rambling about how great donuts were and we had a small conversation about the beauty of bacon pancakes), and pretty much just bullshitting around about some old pictures of his 15-year old self with her goofing around with mustaches and about how he still liked the one picture of himself but in the other his nose didn't even look real or something. He didn't even say one thing about his current girlfriend, though, either which, after a three hour conversation that ended up lasting until nearly 4am on a Tuesday night, I felt like that really spoke volumes right here. Like, I mean, here he was talking to another girl over Skype until the wee hours of the morning on a school night when he has some girlfriend. A girlfriend who I don't even think he's all that into, anyways. I mean, considering he compared his life to a prison when I compared high school to mine, I felt like that said some things. Like, surface-level analysis here, I couldn't help but think that with where he's at with a fairly decent job he seems to be fond of (or at least more fond of then the one he had at the diner), getting back into the swing of college, and a girlfriend, you'd think he'd have a more positive outlook but instead he's comparing his life to a prison. Which, at a deeper standpoint, I can't help but think means so much, like he's trapped with this girl he doesn't really want to be in a relationship with or something. I don't know, perhaps I'm just overthinking this like I always am but, you know, I think it's a plausible subject to ponder about.
The things that happened after he was done playing League last night, though, I think definitely said something about whatever this is between us, though. First, the two of us scrolled through all of his facebook pictures and I got to see his profile from his point of view, which I think definitely said something since one of his friends was messaging him at the time, too. I know facebook is a pretty open place already but having him seem so comfortable with me seeing his profile from his point of view, I thought, was a pretty big deal. Not to mention that, you know how when you look at your profile and along the side, they have nine different friends listed right there with their profile pictures? Well, on mine, Le Crushboy was always second next to my Elsa. Well, apparently from the point of view of Le Crushboy, I am also second on the little set of nine friends that pop up right there when he views his profile. I don't know but that made me feel pretty special, like I was important or something since I read something somewhere that facebook lists the people they think are the most important to you higher up on your friends list. I mean, the fact that he was letting me see his facebook from the standpoint of from his account made me feel pretty special, too, but I mean, you know. The other thing, too, though, was that that wasn't all we did after his League battles. We also looked at all the beautifully random-ass pictures he has saved onto his computer, like one of a tire we were joking around about and it turned into a beautiful, short conversation ("I don't know why I have this picture of a tire on here. Eh, I'll keep it" "For your en-TIRE life?" "WHEEL see about that"). We both apparently hate the weather down here where we live, too, and he said he wishes he could go up north, which honestly made me feel all bubbly inside because the weather is aggravating down here but all my family is up north and I'm from the north so that made me feel all inexplicably bubbly inside. And because he used to look like Jack Frost back when he used to bleach his hair so hearing him say he wishes he could go up north was pretty ironic but, I mean, I wouldn't actually say anything about that straight to his face, er...voice or anything, heh. He was showing me all the video games he has saved onto his computer, too, and telling me about them (like how apparently he claims Skyrim has gone downhill and was going to show me if it would've responded on his computer in windowed mode after three attempts, but was singing the theme song [like in bum bum bum form] and I fell asleep with it stuck in my head-- his bum bum bum version, not the actual song-- and it was absolutely fucking fantastic <3) and deleting files he didn't want anymore (he legit has a folder on his desktop named "Shit" and it's fabulous) but just the fact that he was so comfortable with going through his computer with me right there seeing everything while we talked and whatnot just...holy fucking wow. I really felt like that just spoke volumes, especially since I know your personal computer is a very personal place and that you usually do not EVER want anyone going and snooping around in it but no, no. No, no, no, no. He actually was going through his computer WILLINGLY showing me all the stuff he has saved on there and completely, 100% comfortable.
The beauty of the conversation aside, by the time almost 4am rolled around, I knew I had to get some sleep, even if I knew I wasn't tired. I had to wake up in three and a half hours for school and I knew if I stayed up any later, I would not be able to function. But the beauty of it was the fact that neither of us seemed to really want to hang up on each other. I know I definitely didn't want to hang up on him and I just caught the vibe that he didn't want to hang up on me by the way he just kept grappling to find things for us to talk about and things to keep me there and everything. Looking back, even our goodbye seemed drawn-out, like we were procrastinating hanging up on each other. But the most beautiful thing of all about our conversation last night, though, I think, was the fact that for what felt like the first time ever, I wasn't a nervous wreck. Sure, I was feeling a little anxiety before and during the beginning of the conversation but, I mean, after about twenty minutes it all subsided and I was perfectly fine. Absolutely, 100% fine. And that was beautiful. Especially since this had been the first time we had actually spoken to each other, like voice to voice, not texting, since the one night we hung out back in April. And I don't even wanna go down that road because that night, I was horrible. Even though yet again, I was kinda quiet last night, at least last night I wasn't a bumbling, awkward idiot who couldn't keep any sort of conversation going whatsoever. Or put anyone in the danger of getting run over by a bunch of cars while crossing the street. BECAUSE BACK IN APRIL, THAT DID HAPPEN. AND IT WAS TERRIBLY EMBARASSING. I WAS A HORRIBLE PERSON BACK IN APRIL, I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHY LE CRUSHBOY STUCK AROUND IN THE FIRST PLACE.
After we did finally said goodnight/goodbye/see ya later, though, of course I still couldn't sleep. I was too giddy. I mean, I had pretty much just had a three hour, last minute Skype date with the guy I was secretly in love with that lasted until 4am on a school night. Fuck yeah, I was gonna be mega happy about it! So I pretty much tossed and turned and smiled until my cheeks hurt for probably an hour before actually falling asleep. When my mom came in to wake me up for school, I was legit half asleep and my brain was foggy as fuck, so I don't even remember agreeing to stay home or even hearing my mom say she was taking the day off for her sore throat, as well, but I mean, you know. So for the entire day, though, I've practically been on Cloud 9 over the whole situation of last night and the fact that it seemed like it went so well to me. I think if we ever do that again sometime, the more I talk to him like ACTUALLY talk to him, the more comfortable I'll feel and the less nervous I'll be :3
Of course, my mom was pretty excited to hear about how last night went, too, when she woke up at about 3pm today. It felt really nice spending the day home with her doing nothing, though, snuggling up on the couch and watching movies together. Of course, she didn't fail to point out the apparent irony in the fact that the Father of the Bride movies came on TV right about the time I woke up. She claimed it must've been a sign in regards to last night because I'm not even gonna lie, those movies are pretty much my family. My dad is the cheapest man alive who is very protective of his little girl, who is just as big of an overreactor as her father is. My mom is the open-minded one (even though my mom's a bit more ditzy and naive than Nina is). I don't have a little brother to fill Mattie's shoes or anything, nor is there a crazy foreign wedding planner and his assistant running around but I mean, you catch my drift. But no, she said that because of the similarities in character and shit that she always thought of us (specifically me and my dad because we're pretty much the embodiments of the George/Annie father/daughter psyche) whenever those movies would come on and after last night's little Skype escapade, she seemed to believe the movies were some sort of omen of future things with me and Le Crushboy or some shit. Like yeah, Mom, I'm totally gonna marry him and have his babies and shit. Not that I don't think about those things sometimes...or a lot of the times...or zone out in class multiple times a week thinking about that....but you know what, I'm gonna stop myself there. It's not my fault we have a lot of the same life goals, like having artsy dream jobs and becoming parents and shit. Not specifically with each other but you know what I mean. Not my fault. I think I better stop myself right there, though, before I get ahead of myself. Either way, last night's conversation was beautiful through and through no matter which way you sliced it, or at least I thought it was. I could go into the whole worrying streak about what the entire thing meant and why it happened in the first place with his girlfriend in mind but you know what? As of right now, I'm just gonna take it as is and keep the beautiful memory of it as a single moment in time regardless of outward influences like girlfriends and feelings or lack thereof. Nope. I'm just gonna remember it as that night I had an impromptu Skype date until 4am on a Tuesday night in February with the guy I'm secretly in love with, in all it's perfect, happy wonderfulness.