The Art of Letting Go...OFFICIALLY Letting Go

    Today I made a very painful but very important decision. I let him go. I decided to officially let him go and I haven't been this hysterical in months. But it needed to be done.
    I've been pretty sick lately with some sort of flu bug I caught earlier in the week so I've spent the majority of my time at home sick in bed missing school (which is not going to be pleasant going back to all the makeup work but I'll handle it). I started feeling crappy about Sunday night or so, I think, but I didn't really feel it until Wednesday morning and ended up having to go home right as second period started, to which I found myself with a fever later in the day. It wasn't until last night when I finally gave in to taking some medicine that I started feeling a bit better (Mucinex is a godsent, by the way). My parents went out today so it was just me home alone to do whatever and I ended up taking a nice long sleep until 2:30-ish. I got up, grabbed some breakfast, took care of myself, the usual. But afterwards when I decided to spend my afternoon laying on the couch watching reruns of The Middle, I  noticed something in myself: I started feeling my mood drop lower and lower until I sunk into what I can only really assume could be called...depression. And I think I know one of the reasons why. Le Crushboy was on my mind. I had been scrolling through facebook on my phone when I stumbled across a selfie he had recently posted. It was of him sitting in what I can assume was his kitchen...eating a bowl of what looked like fruity pebbles. And the caption was some snide remark about eating rainbow vomit or some shit like that. I shouldn't have done what I did next, but I did. I saw there were five comments...so I looked. Of course I found exactly what I thought/feared I would: him and his girlfriend flirting. Why was I not surprised? That's been happening a lot lately. Everything he posts, she either likes or comments. And when she comments, it's almost like an entire fucking flirt-fest goes on up in there. And truly it shouldn't piss me off as much as it does. But it does piss me off. It was from that moment earlier today, though, that I realized something truly terrifying: I've been wasting my entire senior year (and almost my entire year in general) being depressed over him. Being depressed over this bastard who never even returned my feelings for him.
     It all started hitting me like a bunch of bricks, one after the other after the other. My last year of high school has only a few short months left and yet the entire past five months, all I've been doing is being hung up on this asshole! I can't say I'm not grateful for the things that obsession has pushed me to do, like the complete 180 my opinion on college did just because I didn't want to lose him or the lost parts of myself I found because of him, but for the most part, this has all escalated to a very unhealthy level that I'm glad I caught and am doing something about before it turns me into a 100% authentic mental patient.
    I wish I could say that after realizing all this, I'm happy for him and this relationship he's in now but I'm not even gonna lie, I'm still not. I still think she's a whore and wish she'd go die in hell or something but it's not even my place to judge and never was. He is no longer my concern. Whatever happens to him happens because I no longer give a flying fuck. I know that even though after all this time, we're still sort of friends, I can't sit here secretly stewing in this giant pot of secret "I still love you" soup and pretend that it doesn't burn knowing he will never like me back and now has someone else he's dating and calling his own and all that fancy schmancy lovey shit. I am willing to throw away whatever our entire friendship is right here just to get rid of this horrible, jealous, unrequited love feeling. So I'm finished. Completely done.
    I didn't have the heart to unfriend him on facebook or anything but I did unfollow him (and fortunately before the slew of stupid girlfriend/boyfriend kissy pictures surfaced to the interwebs so I don't have to choke on my saliva strangling myself over them) and I doubt he'll text me because he never does-- it's always been me who texts him except for a few rare times in the beginning of all this when he actually seemed to care more. But no matter, he's not my concern any longer. I am done. D. O. N. E. Goodbye, Le Crushboy. Have a nice life with your art teacher dreams and that kawaii ass whore whose probably sucking your dick by now because you are no longer any of my concern. I have a life to start living and a career to start focusing on and none of that involves you. So goodbye. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.